Farfie's Funhouse
by Rob-Ibanez
Summary: What happens when a mysterious package is left in the hands of Farfarello? (Yaoi)


The door bell rings.   
Farfarello gets up lazily and answers the door. "What do you want?" He asks grouchily, a knife in his hand.  
A girl, blond hair, blue-green eyes, cracks a half smile. "Delivery." She says unenthusaistically. She wears black jeans and a green t-shirt, clothes that indicate she's a tomboy. Her hair is kind of short and form around her face. It has many different shades of browns and blonds in it with a bit of red. She's kind of tall.  
"I didn't order anything." Farfarello looks her over. He goes to shut the door.  
The girl stops him. "Look, cyclops, I came all the way across town with this damn cursed package and I nearly got killed. I'm going to deliver this whether you ordered it or not."   
"Fine. What is it anyway?" He opens the door a bit as she picks up the package carefully and goes to hand it to him.   
"It's... well...." She gets nervous.   
"It's what?"  
"It's Tch-fuhlo." She says quickly. "I don't ask questions, I don't want to know." She hands it to him and turns to leave.  
Farfarello grabs her arm. "What's Tcho-fuloo?"  
"Tch-fuhlo." She corrects. "It's a.... just a drug..." She tries to pull away.  
He holds her tight. "What type of drug?"  
"It's a... simlulant I guess..."  
"What's it do?"  
"It well.... I'm not the one to judge, really!"  
"It what?" He's getting angry.  
"It... it sends people into a... a...."  
"A what?"  
"Sexual frenzy!!!" She pulls at him harder.  
"Oh...." Farfarello stands there, stunned a bit. "So it make you wanna have sex bad with your lover?" He seems a bit confused.  
"No.... it can work with anyone. You'll... just want to get rid of it..."  
"And how do you get rid of it?"  
"Fuck 'til you drop." She seems to be getting calmer.  
An evil grin comes across Farfarello's lips. He lets go of the girl.  
The girls glares at him and rubs her arm. "Just leave it in the container and keep it away from butter." She grabs her clip board. "Sign here." She holds it out to him along with a pen.  
He signs it, still smiling.   
"Thanks." She grumbles and walks off cursing.   
"No, thank you." Farfarello shuts the door and takes the box to the counter. He opens it the box, revealing a small vile of goo. There are numerous locks on the container and the container looks bullet proof. "This stuff must be strong...." Farfarello says to himself. He looks at the instructions.  
  
Tch-Fuhlo, Product by Cats Paw Productions  
How to use: Place one single drop into food or liquid that is to be consumed. Product should work within 10 to 20 minutes.   
Warning: Only use small amounts of Tch-Fuhlo! Product may cause nasousness and loss of appitite. Keep away from small children and butter.  
  
Farfarello looks at the small vile oddly. He looks over at the price tag on it.   
"OH DAMN!" His jaw drops at the price. "This shit is expensive!" He sets down the vile very carefully. I wonder who ordered this? Sick fuck. He laughs to himself. "Who should I torture first...." He looks around. It's early in the morning, Crawford would be up soon. "My dear, sweet, leader has got to have his coffee in the morning. Maybe I'll just add a drop for taste..." He looks over at the coffee pot, it's turned on, the timer set so that the coffee is ready when Crawford gets up.   
Farfarello carefully unlocks all the lock and carefully places a drop of the goo into the coffee.   
The coffee hisses and continues boiling.  
Farfarello puts the Tch-Fuhlo away, setting the vile into the refridgerator. It looks like fruit paste.  
Farfarello heads back to his chair and curls up in it. He drifts off to sleep.  
  
Brad Crawford wakes up and walks out of his room sleepily. He pounds on Schuldig's door."Wake up you stupid red head!" He growls and goes into the kitchen, pouring himself a cup of coffee. He leans on the counter and sips it, looking at the sleep Farfarello.  
Schuldig walks out, his spikey red hair jutting out in every direction. "Mornings suck...." He flops down on the couch. "Why isn't Nagi or Farf up? If thier not up why do I hafta be up?!" He whines like a two year old.   
"Nagi is 15 and I'm going to wake Farfarello up in a moment."   
Schuldig growls and curls up on the couch.   
Crawford finishes off his cup of coffee and stretches. He yawns. He body feels odd.... He looks down to find himself fully erect. He sinks down to the kitchen floor. What the hell?! I wasn't thinking about anything! No one was touching me!!! What's going on?!?! His body screams for sex and he doesn't understand it.   
Crawford stands up, a pained look on his face.  
"What's the matter with you?" Schuldig looks at him oddly, never having seen his leader ever make that face before.   
Crawford moans and almost collapses.  
Schuldig gets up and rushes over to Crawford. "I told you not to eat that cake we got in the mail! I told you it was probably poisoned by Weiß!" Schuldig picks up his leader and takes him to his room. He lays him down and places a hand on his forehead to make sure he's not running a temperature.   
Crawford wraps his arms around Schuldig and pulls him down, kissing him passionately.   
Schuldig gasps for air, trying to get away. He finally gets a breath. "What the hell?!"  
Crawford's eyes gaze at him lustfully.   
Schuldig bolts for the door but Crawford pulls him back onto the bed and pins him down. He sits on his legs.   
Schuldig tries to get the big lug off of him but he can't. He pries into Crawford's mind, deperately trying to understand what the hell is going on.  
Sex. That's all that's running through Brad's mind.  
Schuldig screams.  
  
Farfarello wakes up and listens. He laughs evilly and goes back to sleep.  
  
Mid-afternoon, Schuldig stumbles out of Crawford's room. He's waddling.   
Farfarello laughs. "Nice walk, flame head. Learn that from Crawford I hear."  
Schuldig growls and turns bright red in embarassment.  
Nagi looks over at Farfarello, confused. "What do you mean, learned it from Crawford?"  
Farfarello looks at Schuldig. "Have Schuldig explain it to you."  
Schuldig growls and looks in the fridge. He takes out the tch-fuhlo which he thinks is jelly. He grabs the bread and a knife and makes himself a sandwich.  
"Hey, make me one!" Nagi whines, his tummy gurgling.  
Schuldig sighs and makes another. He puts the stuff away and goes into the main room. He hands the sandwich to Nagi and sits down beside him.   
They eat silently besides the soft snickering of Farfarello.  
"Where's you get this jelly?" Nagi asks, licking his lips. "It's good!"   
Farfarello gets up and goes to his room, then cracks up in laughter.  
Schuldig and Nagi look at each other oddly.   
  
About ten minutes later....   
"What's going on?!" Nagi shrieks, his body shaking in sexual anticipation.   
"I-I don't know!" Schuldig sounds paniced.  
They both looks at each other again then launch themselves on each other.  
  
That night a meeting is called. Everyone but Farfarello is informed. The 3 members of Schwartz gather in Crawford's room.   
"This is not good. The Farf has gone too far!" Crawford states angrily.  
"Yeah!" The other two agree.  
"Now it's something to do with that jelly.... he must have put it in the coffee as well.... We've got to get him back."  
The three guys whisper thier evil plan to get back at the Farf to each other. They agree and take action.  
  
The door to Farfarello's room cracks open quietly.   
Farfarello is asleep, hanging from the ceiling in a straight jacket.  
Nagi concentrates his energy on Farfarello's beloved bag of knives.   
They lift off the ground and go over to Nagi.   
Nagi shuts the door quietly.  
"I got them!" He whispers excitedly.  
The three guys line all of Farf's knives with the evil Tch-Fuhlo.....  
  
*Thunk* Farfarello drops to the ground. He escapes from the straight jacket and gets up.   
"Hey Farf! Are you up?" Nagi calls out.  
"What do you want." Farfarello asks grumbily.  
"Can you show me how to be like you?" Nagi stands in the doorway.   
"What?"  
"Well, I've been thinking. You're so cool! I want to be just like you!" He holds a knife. "Can you show me how you lick a knife? Looks are everything aren't they?"  
Farfarello looks at the youngest member oddly. "Okay...." He grabs his bag of knives and walks out into the living room.   
Crawford is reading the paper and Schuldig is playing Playstation.  
Nagi sits down on the couch.  
Farfarello sits down next to him and takes a knife out of his bag. "Now you hold it like this and..." He licks it. "Lick it."  
Nagi follows but doesn't quite get it right. "I'm just not getting it. Show me again."  
  
30 knives later Nagi finally gets it. "Thanks Farfie!"  
"Don't call me that." Farfarello leans back on the couch.  
Crawford gets up and heads to his office. "I've got work to do."  
Schuldig turns off the tv and walks to the door. "I think I'll go shopping...."  
"Can I come?" Nagi asks.  
"Sure!"  
They leave.   
Farfarello starts to feel weird. "Uh... what's going on?" He looks around. His erection presses painfully against his pants. "This isn't cool!!!!" He whines.  
The door bell rings.  
Farfarello gets up painfully to answer it.  
"Delivery take back! You know that package I brought here yesterday? Well I need it back."  
"What did you say your name was?" Farfarello asks.  
"Um, Tabby.... Why do you ask?"  
"Well, Tabby." Farfarello winces then grins. "I'd like to ask you a favor....." 


End file.
